Transgender

The Top 10 Hidden Benefits of Cross Dressing or Being a Transgender Woman

1. It allows you to integrate the best of both genders into your personality.

2. It motivates you to stay in shape and take care of yourself. (A girl’s gotta look good, right?)

3. It makes you more empathetic towards women.

4. It brings you closer to the people who support you.

5. It’s easier to be faithful when *you* are the other woman (though I hope your empathy towards women would prevent you from cheating in the first place!).

6. It allows you to get to know yourself in a deep and meaningful way.

7. It makes you an interesting person. (Normal is boring!)

8. It gives you more compassion towards others who don’t fit the norms of society.

9. It offers a healthy and non-destructive way to relieve stress.

10. It makes you a more creative, resourceful, and courageous person than you might be otherwise.

So what do you think? Am I missing anything on this list?

Five Pros & Cons of Being Transgender 

 As you read this, please remember that I am a transsexual male-to-female (MtF) woman. I did my best to keep female-to-male (FtM) and genderqueer trans-identified folks in mind while writing this.

CON - No Kids Let's be honest. Whether you're a man or woman, you've received pressure from family and friends to have kids. However, most trans people cannot impregnate or be impregnated. I witnessed my mom's saddest face was when I told her she wouldn't have any by-blood grandchildren. This is because, when we decide to start taking hormones, we accept the reality that our reproductive organs will not work the same ever again. For FtMs, their periods shut down and chance of being impregnated is reduced to 1%...if that. For MtFs, our testicles shrink and eventually ejaculating will, at best, squirt out some prostate fluid. I am currently dating a trans man, so there's about a 0.000001% chance that I'd impregnate him, and that's if we had penis-in-vagina (PIV) sex. That said, comments about when we are going to have kids are rare. At best, we can hope for adoption, and there is no shame in that, but I had to cope with the reality that I will never, ever have a bun in the oven. In the end, I can still adopt, so it's not so bad.

PRO - No Periods On that note, neither my boyfriend nor I have periods. Sometimes, our hormone levels will be out of whack and we'll get a sort of pseudo-period with all of the emotional problems, but I am happy to pass on the bleeding, cramps, and emotional breakdowns. It makes it kind of hard to relate to my cis (not-trans) girlfriends when they suffer from period pains, but most of them will just say how lucky I am to avoid tampon/pad purchases and laundry days with bloody sheets. Granted, I bet they'd choose periods over a penis any day. I just remind myself that I can have all the sex I want without worrying about birth control, never accidentally get knocked up.


CON - Family Issues In short, my family wasn't thrilled about my transition. After all, it is, in a sense, like telling them they raised me completely wrong, or they will think that I'm throwing away the care they did give me. That said, I can rarely attend a family reunion or holiday party without having a majority of my relatives acting a bit weird around me or avoiding me altogether. Admittedly, I was lucky. My immediate family accepts me enough, though my dad will rarely refer to me as "she" without accidentally calling me "he" first, but my grandfather refuses to call me by my girl name and my uncle thinks I've signed my deal with Satan to be a VIP down in hell. Sometimes, it gets to me, but mostly I remind myself that almost all of my cis friends have family issues just as severe if not worse.

PRO - Family Doesn't Care It's slightly bittersweet, but I feel like being trans sort of took the trophy for the "worst thing I could do" in my family's eyes. They don't seem to bat an eye when I tell them all sorts of crazy shit I'm doing, like doing some drugs here and there, drinking like crazy, being in an open relationship that I act on, having a second boyfriend in a polyamorous relationship, practicing magick in pagan rituals, and more. I could be like, "So, I stabbed this person at the bar last night for insulting my friend," and my mom would just kind of be like, "Wow, that's crazy." However, if I said, "I stabbed someone for calling me a 'tranny' last night," she'd probably tell me I had no right to do that because it is my fault that I'm trans. My boyfriend's family even got over his being a "lesbian" because they were too preoccupied with their disgust with him being trans, so I know I'm not alone. In the end, I think it's fun. I go to family events and rarely get lectured on my career, schooling, etc., because people are still processing the fact that I have boobs now.


CON - I'll Never Be 100% Female I began my transition when I was 22. I'm 25 now, so that is about three years of thinking of myself as female. I've been living as female for two years, so I'm fairly accustomed to the culture of women. Granted, no matter how much I look and act the part of my gender's stereotypes, there's still the 22 years of conditioning as male. I went to grade school and was partitioned into the boys' sections. I went to an all-boy high school. It wasn't until college that I had the maturity and intelligence to analyze my life and realize I preferred the girls' sections in grade school and the all-girls high school. So, as much as I want to be me, I can't deny that I've been told I was something I wasn't for 22 years of my life - and treated like it. People patted me on the back, called me "dude" and "man" a lot, and made fun of me for crying. My, how things have changed. Now, people are afraid to touch me, and if they do they'll do it gently and sensually. They'll call me "sweetie" and "hun" a lot, and usually my crying could silence a room of men and cause them to try and get me things to make me feel better. So, how can I possibly ignore the fact that the ratio of my male life to my female life is 22:2, or 11:1. I figure it'll even out on my 45th birthday...the first year of my life where I'll have been a woman longer than a man.

Yea, I just kinda glazed over this. Doesn't even matter.

PRO - Experiencing Both Genders Some see me as a tomboy, while others know that it's just my male conditioning leaking out when I get all angry playing Halo or decide to treat my boyfriend like a lady (we have fun...weird fun). Sometimes, it gets to me, but overall I think it's super cool to have seen the world from both perspectives. Unlike most girls, I know what it's like in the men's restroom, and I understand almost all dude jokes. It's a bit odd when, at parties, I find myself hanging out with the girls and my boyfriend goes out for a beer run with the guys, because we both spent over 20 years on the other side of that arrangement. It's so weird to have memories of being a man, and to look in the mirror and see a woman. Naturally, I tend to sympathize with men when other women will give them hell, and my boyfriend will sympathize with women in the same way. In a way, I kind of wish I wasn't so stealth and reserved about my transition because crossing between the two genders is just so damn exciting.

CON - Your Body is Built like the Other Gender We can all argue about gender all day, but I refuse to forget about biology in this matter. We are mammals, and we are born either male, female, or intersex (which is really just a mixture of the two). Yes, our minds allow us to transcend gender and consider ourselves one or the other, or both or neither, despite our biological composition. Still, it sucks that I'm 6'0 and built like an Amazon. It sucks that my boyfriend is 5'5 and has curves from when he was female. We can't deny our genetics and our biology, and it shows itself a lot. My boyfriend hangs out with guys, and he's used to being the short pudgy one. I hang out with both men and women, and I'm usually the tallest. It's most obvious when I go to grocery stores with my mom and I'm a good 1.5 feet taller than her. Though, most people will assume I was born in a viking family before they guess that I'm trans, so that's good.




PRO - Your Body is Still Beautiful Although my body is different, I notice that it does have its perks. I'm 6'0, but so are most famous actresses and supermodels. Granted, they're a lot thinner than me, but my big bones and muscles will usually intimidate other girls and I get to avoid a lot of creepy men because they know I could probably knock them out with my purse to their head. My boyfriend gets to have a very young, adorable face and his flexibility is extremely...fun. Once we break away from standard values of beauty, we can learn to love our own characteristics. I didn't get to this point until I compiled a big list of women telling me they envied my height, my face, my hair, my skin, and my curves. I'm not even lying - those are all things people told me they envied - and I listened. If you're having trouble seeing your own beauty, get out to a park or a store and just look at other people in your gender. Wonder what issues they could be having with their height, their muscles, their boob size, their curves, etc. Learn that almost everyone is self-conscious and we're all dealing with the same stupid standards of beauty set by society.

CON - Scary Secret A lot of trans people envy those who "pass" because they can bypass a lot of these rules. I have trans friends who pass, but will be open about their transition, and I have trans friends who sadly do not pass, and are forced to be open. I don't always fly under the radar, but I do generally pass as female, but I think everyone will have moments where their gender isn't being questioned. During those moments, it's SCARY AS HELL, especially if you're somewhere known for trans discrimination, such as a redneck right-wing bar, or a right-wing church. Being outed is a big deal for the LGBTQ community and for good reason. So, one of the biggest cons of being trans is the reality that you could be murdered or slandered or fired or dumped or attacked for being who you are, and some of us are privileged with the ability to hide that little tidbit of information, but it's always terrifying when it gets out. I also want to say that, if you are one who lacks this privilege (yes, I am calling it a "privilege"), I don't know how you do it. The bravery you possess is mind-boggling, because I know you encounter a LOT of bullshit, and I didn't have the courage when I was in the same place.





PRO - Mind-Blowing Secret Okay, so, if you are open about being trans, then you probably don't consider it a secret, but it's usually kind of mind-blowing for whoever you tell. People usually have a million questions: Do you still have a penis? Are you on hormones? What was your old name? What did you look like? It's really, well, kind of cool, if you think about it. I found that 1 in 30,000 people are trans, according to a survey I found a long time ago. I'm sure that number is bigger, probably around 1 in 10,000, but still...that's NUTS. That's how rare you are! People love just hearing about your life, and what it's like being so different from them. As a stealth trans woman, I get compared to cis women a lot. When I wasn't stealth, a lot of people would give me breaks. They'd tell me I was beautiful, that my name was lovely, or smile extra big for me. Others would get awkward and avoid me, sure, but when I went stealth I noticed a loss of special treatment. I liked it like that, and that's why I like being stealth. It's my personal life, and I don't want my career or schooling or friendships to be ANY different because I am trans. However, when I do tell people that I am trans, and they didn't already have an idea, they are blown away. I think it's worth it to remember that I went on a very difficult, amazing journey to find myself.

Basic Issues in Transgender Mental Health

This page contains a short outline of issues that arise for transgender individuals, particularly those effecting one’s emotional and psychological state.  I hope to expand on many of these in future posts (check the ‘categories’).

Gender Dysphoria

This is a fundamental unease and dissatisfaction with the biological sex one is born with which results in anxiety, depression, restlessness, and other symptoms.  The dysphoria often acts as a catalyst to change one’s body and gender expression (how one presents to the world) to be more in keeping with what is felt to be one’s gender identity (the gender that one feels oneself to be).

Problems associated with growing up with Gender Dysphoria

The main problem of growing up with gender Dysphoria, aside from the body dysphoria itself is the social predicament.  Essentially everyone expects the individual to be and act like a boy/girl, when they feel inside to be a girl/boy.

Early Childhood – Children get cues early on from parents about appropriate behavior, and internalize them.  For example MTF (male to female) transsexuals have reported getting the message from parents that it wasn’t ok for them to play dolls with their sisters or neighbors, and that they were expected to do “boy” things – like rough and tumble play.  Kids of this age start to get the idea that there is a part of themselves that must remain hidden.

Puberty – This is a particularly hard age, since the body begins to change and adapt gender specific features (breasts, changes in genitals, menses, etc..).  Transgender individuals have reported “I was disgusted by (hair, breasts…etc)”.   Many transgender individuals are aware of their issue by this age, but lack the means and agency to effect any change.  This has been changing in recent years where some transgender youth are more “out”, have supportive families and are able to access services.

In some cases medication is available to “delay” puberty until the individual is old enough to decide whether or not to transition.  This has the benefit of essentially avoiding the trauma of experiencing the physical effects of puberty in the unwanted gender.

Early Adulthood – With emotional and financial independence some people feel free to begin to address transgender issues at this age and look into transitioning.  However, some are not as free to do so, due to family and other obligations, or due to lack of information and access to services.

Later Adulthood – Some transgender individuals put off transitioning until later in life when they feel able to do so.  This can be satisfying, but can also have the disadvantage of  producing a less convincing outcome.   In addition there can be regret about having lived so long in an unwanted gender.  Friends and family may have a harder time understanding what is happening since they knew the person for so long in their natal gender.

In all stages – There can be isolation, hiding and secrets, which can lead to depression and anxiety.  Transgender adults are much more likely to have suicidal thoughts, with 50% of adults reporting some suicidal ideation.  There seem to be two paths that people take early on: either one tries to hide their inner feeling of being the wrong sex and “passes” for what looks like a boy or girl, or one is incapable of hiding and presents as either a tom-boyish girl or a feminine boy.  Either path is fraught with problems for one’s emotional development.  The second scenario – of presenting as gender non-conforming is known to elicit harsh responses from society.  This is true for non-transgender people as well and many gay men and women experience this early on.

Deciding what to do

This is a big part of the transgender Individuals experience.  Making decisions about transitioning, what level to transition to, or whether to attempt any transition at all are complicated decisions and require time and support.  There are fears of how one will be accepted by family (parents, partners, children, grandparents and others), friends, colleges, fellow students, church groups, etc..  There can be anxiety about ‘passing’ or how convincing one will be to others as a man or woman (i.e. whether or not one will be “read” as transgender).

There can also be the wish to not completely transition, but assume an identity as “gender queer” or “third sex”.  All are perfectly acceptable options.  Usually one doesn’t start at that place, so this requires some form of transitioning as well.   At the point of decision making, many things are unknown and it can be very stressful.  It can also be exciting and joyful to be able to act and move towards a more authentic self.

Transitioning

For those transgender individuals who decide to transition (to present and live in the other sex outwardly), these emotional/psychological issues may come up:

• Fears about finding a partner
• Impact on family relationships with parents, children, partners and other relatives
• Impact of relationships at work and with friends.
• Fears about violence and prejudice when one is read as transgender.
• Feelings about having to experience surgeries, hormones, (and for MTF transsexuals) facial hair removal and voice changes.
• Frustration of having to change or explain legal documents (drivers license, passport, titles to property, diplomas, etc)

Post transition issue
Some issues that may arise include:

• Disappointment that transitioning didn’t solve all problems.
• Level of satisfaction with appearance
• Level of satisfaction with any surgeries
• Emotional issues that were not addressed before.

 When one decides not to transition.

Not everyone is able or wants to transition. This is a perfectly valid choice for people to make.  However these individuals must learn to cope with the tension that the gender dysphoria produces.  Sometimes this can be helped by having times when one can cross-dress, interact with others who are aware of one’s status, talk about the issue, and take low-levels of hormones (that don’t effect the body outwardly).

Other mental health issues not related to being transgender.  

Just because some one is transgender doesn’t mean they don’t have other issues in their lives.  It can be hard for some people to let themselves seek treatment for other issues when the gender dysphoria is so prominent a concern.

The good news: It’s important not to lose sight of the  satisfaction one can have by acknowledging and (if possible) changing what can be changed and moving towards of one’s authentic self.

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How surgeons transform a penis into a vagina revealed in eye-watering computer generated footage

Updated 07:45, 5 Dec 2015
By Ruth Halkon

WARNING: Disturbing footage. Surgeons use the penis and testicles to create a vagina, complete with a clitoris capable of orgasm. A gruesome and compelling video has revealed the great skill and precision involved in carrying out a male to female sex change.The animation, uploaded by the European Society of Urology , shows how a penis and testicles are used to create a vagina, complete with a clitoris capable of orgasm.As the procedure is irreversible, the patient must be completely certain they want to go through with it.